Being a Sponsor – Overeaters Anonymous

Why be a sponsor?

Sponsorship can fuel your recovery. Sponsors work one-on-one with another compulsive eater sharing what works for them, and walking alongside their sponsees. They use and share OA Tools and slogans, study, work and apply the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, and offer support when it’s needed. This connection—to Higher Power, to spiritual Principles and practices, and to other recovering OA members—is a crucial part of recovery.

How do I know if I’m ready to start sponsoring?

If you are considering sponsorship, although not required, it is strongly recommended that you:

have a sponsor yourself
discuss with your sponsor the possibility of your sponsoring someone
read through the OA literature mentioned above
discuss with your sponsor specifically any request for sponsorship before saying yes, including your expectations

One way to determine whether you are ready to sponsor may be to ask yourself: “Do I have experience, strength, and hope to share?”

When can I start sponsoring?

Sponsoring can begin at any time. Simply sponsor up to the level of your experience, sharing as much recovery as you have. It may be helpful to discuss sponsoring with your own sponsor first, then begin sponsoring when you both feel it’s right. Ask your group to introduce you as a new sponsor, or identify yourself as one. We have found that sponsors are most effective when refraining from compulsive eating. Many of us believe that clarity of mind comes with abstinence. Having a sponsor is the best way to learn to be a sponsor; we learn by example. We also learn to sponsor by doing it.

What are the requirements for being a sponsor?

There are no specific qualifications for sponsorship in OA. Although some members insist sponsors should have completed the first three steps or must have completed their step four inventory, there are no such official requirements. Sponsors share their program up to the level of their own experience.

Am I “good enough” to be a sponsor?

Sponsorship is not a right possessed by select fellows with long-term recovery. Sponsorship is an amazing tool that continues to teach you about yourself, and it helps you and other fellows stay abstinent and grow spiritually.

How do I start sponsoring?

The Newcomers’ First Twelve Days process might be a great way to test the waters! When you do this with a newcomer or returning member, you’ll have a chance to experience what it might be like to sponsor someone.

One way to determine whether you are ready to sponsor may be to ask yourself: “Do I have experience, strength, and hope to share?” If you have maintained any length of abstinence and are working the Twelve Steps to the best of your ability, then you have something to share.

How long do I have to be abstinent to sponsor?

There are no specific qualifications for sponsorship in OA. Although some members insist sponsors should have completed the first three steps or have completed their step four inventory, there are no such official requirements.

How many sponsees should I have?

Do not sponsor too many people. One may be enough for some; three or four may be okay for others. We should sponsor only that number to whom we can give the full benefit of our sponsorship. As people of extremes, beware of burning yourself out. We can overdo it by taking ourselves away from our family too often or wearing ourselves out to the point of setting ourselves up to eat again. The OA Twelve Step program can be the foundation for our life, but it is the program that frees us to live our life.

Getting the Newcomer Started

Set a time to talk or meet. Both the sponsor and sponsee should have a copy of Where Do I Start? for use at the meeting.

Set expectations in the first conversation regarding honesty, scheduled calls based on discussion and agreement from sponsee, timeliness, assignments, reading, writing, and studying the nature of the disease.

Talk frequently using Temporary Sponsors: Newcomers’ First Twelve Days as a guide for reading and discussion. Advance through the guide at the suggested pace unless more time is needed. Share your experience with getting honest with the food. The sponsee needs to hear about your recovery.

It may be useful to suggest your sponsee contact a licensed professional to help them develop an appropriate plan of eating. Remember that what works for you may not work for your sponsee.

Once the sponsee has developed a plan of eating, continue frequent contact with the sponsee. Emphasize that they should not deviate from their daily food plan once it’s agreed on and committed to you. Other suggestions are weighing and measuring food, for now, in order to learn the portions that will eventually get the sponsee to a healthy body weight. Also, suggest weighing once a month to establish accountability, yet not focus on weight loss.

Ask the sponsee to make telephone calls to other members to get and give support.

Suggest that the sponsee go to as many meetings as possible. The more meetings, the higher the probability of success.

Now is the time for the sponsee to begin working the Twelve Steps using the OA Twelve and Twelve, The Twelve Step Workbook of Overeaters Anonymous, Second Edition, or the Twelve Step Workshop and Study Guide, Second Edition. Set a schedule for the sponsee to read each Step and answer the questions in the chosen workbook. Review the answers with the sponsee and allow time for answering any questions they may have.

By your example, begin demonstrating OA program practices, such as: “One day at a time,” “first things first,” “live and let live,” “let go and let God,” no gossiping, no taking other people’s inventories, and other practices. Lead them to feel and know that our program is one of love, concern, and support. We are a fellowship of people who share a common problem and a common solution.

Remember that slips are learning experiences. Do not waste them! If the sponsee has a slip, have them do a slip inventory. Emphasize that immediately telling you about the slip will empower them to get started again. Holding on to the secret usually leads to more eating. Slips do not need to become relapses. (From Slip or Relapse to Recovery.)

Sponsor your experience: binge eaters, anorexics, bulimics, restrictors, and/or gender.

Do not expect success, and do not fear failure. We do Twelfth Step work to give what we have so we can keep what we have been given. We are not sponsoring or telling our story to newcomers to make them abstinent, or to keep them in the program. We sponsor to keep what we have. This is the right motive. This motive will keep our pride out of the way and prevent many heartaches and disappointments when some of our sponsees choose not to accept the gift of the program.

Share your program. Keep the time on the phone program oriented. Do not allow social conversations to override your need to carry the message. It is important that the newcomer realize you are where you are because of the program.

Remember that we are sharing our own experiences. Do not give professional advice. We are not doctors, therapists, clergymen, or family counselors. When people ask for such advice, guide them to the professionals who are competent to give it. Do not get into egotistical vanity. The only thing you have to offer is your experience in the program.

Do not avoid or apologize for God when you are first explaining the program and your experience to newcomers. Remember Appendix Two of the Big Book that describes spiritual awakening as a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery. Emphasize that both the problem and the solution are physical, emotional, and spiritual.

Do not make promises. The only thing we know for certain is that if someone follows the program sincerely, they can get abstinent and find recovery. Initial abstinence from the numbing effect of compulsive eating or any other compulsive food behaviors may mean feeling more pain. But if they are working the program completely, they can remain abstinent and serene despite problems.

Share your struggle if you struggle. Do not allow yourself to be put on a pedestal. Let your sponsee know that the disease is arrested, not cured and that you are only one bite away from losing your abstinence. Point out that you are only an instrument of a Higher Power.

Do not sell–or dictate–instead of sharing your experience to date in the program. Tell them what happened to you. We all know our own story very well. We share up to where we are in the program.

If you give the program as it is written, you will be giving your newcomers a great gift, while at the same time holding on to the gift that the program has given you.

Do not predict who will make it and who will not. It is impossible to know. Anyone can make it that follows the program sincerely, no matter what their background, their program, or the circumstances of their life. All that is needed is a willingness to take action.

What are some different sponsorship styles?

There are probably as many different plans of eating as there are OA members and almost as many different types of sponsors.

Many sponsors have no opinion on what their sponsees eat as long as they abstain from the foods and behaviors that trigger them to eat compulsively.

Some people have a single sponsor who deals with all aspects of recovery, while others have multiple sponsors—for food, Steps, maintenance, service, etc.

The primary responsibility of any sponsor isn’t to monitor a sponsee’s food but to help the sponsee work through all Twelve Steps so that he or she may find lasting recovery.

We aren’t professionals, and many sponsors don’t have a lot of knowledge of nutrition. We often recommend that you seek the guidance of a professional, such as a registered dietitian, to help with questions about your plan of eating. It works best if you also work with a sponsor familiar with the Principles of the program since many dietitians aren’t familiar with OA’s Twelve Steps.

What is a “temporary sponsor”?

The temporary sponsor program was created to help newcomers, returning OA members, and other members learn about the OA Twelve Step recovery program by using a personal, short-term introduction to Overeaters Anonymous.

It also helps members who may be ready to sponsor but are reluctant to do so. This is an opportunity for a member to help a newcomer in a very structured way and to experience what it might be like to be a regular sponsor.

This program takes place during twelve sessions, which may or may not occur in twelve consecutive days. For instance, you may want to schedule calls on weekdays only. You also may want to look ahead at the sessions, and if you are uncertain about how to discuss any of the topics with the sponsee, you may want to ask your sponsor or another OA member for ideas.

More info: Temporary Sponsors: Newcomers’ First Twelve Days

What approach works best: strict or flexible?

There are many different ways to share experience, strength, and hope in the OA Fellowship. We need to discover what works best for us.

Sometimes an OA member cannot be both a friend and a sponsor. I should decide what is more important: having a friend or recovering

How do you know when it’s time to end a sponsor/sponsee relationship?

The “relationship” is a completely voluntary thing from both sides. There is no right or wrong way to sponsor someone, although there are some rough guidelines that seem to be commonly agreed upon. People in OA talk about “firing” a sponsor or a sponsee but that’s just shorthand for ending the sponsorship. After all, you can’t “fire” a volunteer.

Every sponsor/sponsee relationship is unique, but the following are examples of times when continuing the relationship isn’t in your best interests:

Your sponsor doesn’t have time for you.
Your sponsor isn’t trustworthy or respectful.
Your sponsor isn’t a positive influence.
Your sponsor is heading for a relapse.
You develop an unhealthy reliance on a sponsor.

Remember, it’s okay for either one of you to decide if it’s a good match or not. Typically, when the relationship is not working for one, it’s not working for both.

What is meant by a “balanced sponsor/sponsee relationship”?

The promise of relief from our disease of compulsive eating may give newcomers the expectation that members who sponsor are speaking for OA as a whole. This puts the newcomer in a position to be vulnerable to recommendations that may not be in their best interest.

Sometimes we hear “if you want what I have, you will do what I do” from individuals who appear to have the answer we are seeking.

Unfortunately, in some cases, the individuals who offer themselves as sponsors may go beyond the boundaries suggested for sponsorship and ask things that are inappropriate in the sponsor/sponsee relationship.

Sponsors are not professionals when they are doing Twelve Step work. They ought to only share or suggest changes that worked for them in their journey. Sponsors should not issue orders or make demands. Sponsors should not give advice regarding medications or other substances. All members of OA may choose their own plan of eating, their Higher Power, and how they work their program.

Sponsors encourage—not to judge others on the path of recovery. We are asked to turn our will over to the care of a loving Higher Power. Other human beings help—not hinder that process.

What if my sponsor/sponsee is obviously slipping or in relapse?

A sponsor isn’t responsible for the failures or the successes of a sponsee. You can’t get someone abstinent if they don’t want to be abstinent, and you can’t prevent them from getting abstinent if they want to be abstinent. Don’t expect success, and don’t fear failure. It’s not up to you. The acceptance and practice of the OA recovery program rest entirely with the individual.

We do Twelfth Step work to give what we have, so we can keep what we have been given. We’re not sponsoring or telling our story to newcomers to get them abstinent, nor to keep them in the program. We sponsor to keep what we have. This is the right motive. This motive